it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
