Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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