Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I party with great urgency now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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