How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
