Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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