haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
