What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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