Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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