her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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