operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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