he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
