I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
