You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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