A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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