Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
