I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
