i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
