last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
