I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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