Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
