Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
