it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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