wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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