I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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