Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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