On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
