Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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