The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
