I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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