My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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