Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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