Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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