R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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