Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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