girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
