just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
