started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
