fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
