Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
