Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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