marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
