marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
