Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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