I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
