I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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