In the future we'll all be gay
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
