I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
