I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
