I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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