i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am available for nakedness
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