singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
