I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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