pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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