You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
