so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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