Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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