guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
