You just made me feel so damn special
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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