i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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