White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
