Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
