I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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