That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
