and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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