The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize