I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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