This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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