I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize