Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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