You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My liver just had a heart attack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
