dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
