You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
