im six kinds of drunk right now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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