This is not my ceiling
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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