I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
